Browsing "Aging Baby Boomers"
Your mileage may vary
- Bathroom safety bars are already installed
- Your share of the rent is negligible because the mortgage is paid off
- They admire you for knowing how to work all the remote controls
- Dad does all of your laundry. “Hey, I ain’t doin’ anything else. I might as well do my share.”
- Mombo is in bed by 6:30. Dad stays up ’til eight thirty
- You can use their car mostly anytime, as long as you drive them to the doctors, WallMart, or Pik N Save
- Somebody’s always home to answer the door.
- When you fall off your knee walker in the garden, there’s someone to root you on as you struggle to your feet.
- The freezer’s always full
- There’s always pie!
Sure, you love them—but . . .
- Rush Limbaugh
- Fox News Network
- Jello on the shelf that expired in 1999
- Dad turns lights out while you’re still in the room “to save electricity”
- You throw away rotten fruit, and Dad yells at you for wasting food “What? Are they giving it away now??”
- You are responsible for setting all electronic devices in the house.
- Your out-of-town sister calls you form the airport to remind you that your stay there is temporary, and not to get too comfortable in their house.
- Cheapest bargain store toilet paper
- Supper is at five, sharp.
- Leftovers remain in play until they’re eaten by somebody.
I’ve been a mom. I’ve been a manager. I’ve been a conniver, a manipulator, a planner, queen bee, doormat. But never— since my mom turned me out when I was 17—have I been just a daughter.
I’m so freakin’ old, I was a “Beatle Booster”, which makes my eighyish parents really, really old. They’re both tough as seal-skin boots, but I see the spark starting to flicker. Turns out, they need me here right now. Who knew? Read more »