I came THIS CLOSE to being voted off the Census 2010 Island today.

I made it from April to July knowing any day could be my last. I went from enumerator to assistant to crew leader and back to assistant determined to make it through the next $15 hour Tribal Council.

My boss had a bad week and had to throw someone under the bus to stay in the game, and he gave it a good try–but I chose to be demoted (at the same pay). He said, ‘You hate to enumerate, as you’ve told me many times, so if you turn in your bag and badge, you won’t have to enumerate.” I said, “I’d rather enumerate than be out of work.” Now I wait for The Call. But I got very sick from working 7 days a week, 12 hour days, so a little time off is cool.

Hmmm – I have a little time to watch “Invader Zim” now. It’s not all bad . . .

My dad has always been a “TV Talker –He has always talked back to the TV–and at 84 his skill is as sharp as Number 2 pencil run through an electric pencil sharpener twice

He’s Crow T Robot (Mystery Science Theater 3000) without the commercial breaks. If he was in a movie theater, he’d be annoying, but home in the living room he makes bad TV worth watching.

Today he’s watching a truly terrible British Hammer film “Quatermass and the Pit”. From the other room I hear his running commentary:

“Don’t go in there, you asshole. You’ll meet up with the aliens”

“(Alan Quartermain) “I’m very disappointed in this” (Dad) “We are too!”

“Hey, it’s 50 millions years BC? And they have a spaceship made out of plastic? Where do you get a spaceship like that 50 million years ago?”

“How do you know they’re Martians? How do you know they’re not from Pluto?”

“With hands like that, how can they drive a rocket?”

This isn’t “ha ha wink wink” stuff, just an old, blue collar guy having a conversation with his best pal, Mr. Television–and it’s very entertaining.

Census 2010 new employee training

Five things your Crew Leader didn’t tell you during training

Or if you were told, you ignored it because it seemed preposterous.

Congratulations! You were hired as an enumerator by the 2010 US Census Bureau! You took a test, waited and waited, and finally you got a call to arrive at 9am for a four-day training session — and WOW! You get paid just to be trained!

The D308 is the single most important document you will handle.

You have to learn to write in longhand with ALL BLOCK LETTERS

You’re only as good as your crew leader

All Crew Leaders teach by the “Verbatim” method. That means they are forced to read the manual to you word for word. The census bureau doesn’t trust CLs or Field Operative Supervisors (FOS) to teach you with their own intelligence. Yes–you can reaqd fater than they can read. And, Yes, they read like mindless drones with -50% original thought, but they are told they will be fired if they do otherwise. It’s not their fault if the material is boring and repitious. Ok–Maybe it’s their fault if their DELIVERY is boring and reptitious–but be soothed by the knowledge that every trainee in every CLD of every FOSD is being equally totAlutred. So it’s no good to whine later  “My CL never TOLD me that” . Doesn’t matter. You are still responsible for knowing the correct material. If you want to get  paid, show up no matter what. Millions of people are out of work–many with Masters degrees in Physics or Aeronautics–who are willing to take your place. If your CL doesn’t call you, you call him/her and ask what you can do to, remembering the Census. Be a happy camper without original thought and you’ll go far!

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My parents idolize conservative TV performer Glenn Beck.

He’s on at 4:00 every day, still on when Mombo puts ‘supper’ on the table. Today I went into the “Holy Effing Gee” zone when he was ranting about the ‘charade of global warming’.

Last week, USA Today Magazine in the Sunday Milwaukee Journal-Sentinal ran a puff-piece cover story about Mr Beck in which he said:

He believes in global warming

“You’d be an idiot not to notice the temperature change,” he says. He also says there’s a legit case that global warming has, at least in part, been caused by mankind. He has tried to do his part by buying a home with a “green” design and using energy-saving products. “I’m willing to do anything but use the CFLs,” he says of compact fluorescent light bulbs. “I put them in once and couldn’t stand the way they lit up the room.”

Mombo did not like hearing this. “I don’t believe that”, she said—So I Googled it and showed Mombo the evidence. “Well, why don’t you call Democrats hypocrites when THEY lie? Huh?”

“Um, like who are you talking about?”

“Well . . . Like when Bill Clinton lied.”

“You mean about getting a blow job?”

“Yes. That’s exactly what I mean. I don’t see you getting irate about that and calling HIM a hypocrite!!”

Time to go to my room.

Amazon.com is the new home of the weird, the creepy and the profane!

It’s like the Wild West out there. We independent book sellers moved in and did all the dirty work, setting up product pages, building links, enslaving the indigenous population—And soon giant agribusinesses, listing strip miners, and Big Lot department stores moved in, crowding the little guys out.

Lately, Amazon’s tried to reign in the small-time-sellers without infringing too much on the rights of their favored corporate sellers. That can only lead to one thing—Digital Anarchy!

Here are five intriguing examples of the ways Amazon sellers and buyers are dealing with encroaching marginalization.

1. A $38 dead skinned bunny rabbit? Anyone see Roman Polanski’s “Replusion“? Please, please, please—I beg you—scroll down and read the customer reviews. You will not be sorry. For example:

   These are NOT alive!, August 24, 2009
   By P. Breakfield IV “Tom”
   I’ll keep this short and sweet. We ordered one of these rabbits for our children this Easter and boy what a surprise. It is NOT a living rabbit. Someone has killed this rabbit and skinned it, I suppose for eating. Anyway, our children were traumatized and Easter is not the same holiday that it used to be for us. On the upside, we don’t have to fill their Easter baskets anymore as we told them the Easter bunny was killed by Amazon.

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