Amazon.com is the new home of the weird, the creepy and the profane!

It’s like the Wild West out there. We independent book sellers moved in and did all the dirty work, setting up product pages, building links, enslaving the indigenous population—And soon giant agribusinesses, listing strip miners, and Big Lot department stores moved in, crowding the little guys out.

Lately, Amazon’s tried to reign in the small-time-sellers without infringing too much on the rights of their favored corporate sellers. That can only lead to one thing—Digital Anarchy!

Here are five intriguing examples of the ways Amazon sellers and buyers are dealing with encroaching marginalization.

1. A $38 dead skinned bunny rabbit? Anyone see Roman Polanski’s “Replusion“? Please, please, please—I beg you—scroll down and read the customer reviews. You will not be sorry. For example:

   These are NOT alive!, August 24, 2009
   By P. Breakfield IV “Tom”
   I’ll keep this short and sweet. We ordered one of these rabbits for our children this Easter and boy what a surprise. It is NOT a living rabbit. Someone has killed this rabbit and skinned it, I suppose for eating. Anyway, our children were traumatized and Easter is not the same holiday that it used to be for us. On the upside, we don’t have to fill their Easter baskets anymore as we told them the Easter bunny was killed by Amazon.

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Or I shall rise up from my bed of sorrows and smite you with a white-hot revenge, man.

1:19 am Monday night the phone rings.

Now, I live with my elderly parents who specifically DON’T have phones in their bedrooms. Why? Because someone with a lively personal life is apparently one digit away from their telephone number. Me, I’m still in the mindset of “Oh my Gosh. What if one of my kids got arrested and needs to get bailed out in the middle of the night?” or “What if my future-ex-husband was just nailed by a drunk driver and the hospital is calling to tell me I’m now a widow.” In other words, I ALWAYS answer the phone.

1:19 am I’m pulled from REM sleep by my phone. I bolt to answer, still remembering the downy kisses of–oh, never mind. “Hello?” “‘S Rog there?” “Huh? Who?” “Rog?” “Wrong number”, and I hang up.

But my mind does not hang up. I stare at the ceiling. I do Yoga. I eat crackers. I read my book. Two hours later, at 3:19 AM I’ve had enough. I pick up my phone and scroll down to my mystery caller’s ID, and hit dial.

When his cell phone prompts for a message (of course, and Rog’s friend is sleeping the good sleep of the non-introspective mind), I blurt, “How does it feel to get a call in the middle of the night because someone can’t dial the right number (beat) MORON!!” and I hang up.

If nothing else I got the last word. Ha. So there.

well, sort of . . .

Un Chien Bleu is number 17 on the NetworkedBlogsTop 31 Blogs in: Milwaukee list. (Whoo Hoo!)

Lets not talk about the number 31. It’s too weird to contemplate.

Because, in California, when they slap you on the wrist for drunk driving, you stay slapped!

LA Times reported on Oct. 6, 2009 that actor Mel Gibson went before a judge to have his infamous drunk driving conviction expunged from his record after completing the terms of his plea deal.

Think what you like about Mr. Gibson’s anti-Semitic leanings, his adulterous affairs, or his drain-circling acting career — The man paid his dues. His penalties for first-offense driving under the influence (called DUI in most places, OWI here in Wisconsin) included:

• Mandatory 48 hours jail time
• Loss of license for six months
• Drunk driving school (Fate worse than death for some people)
• Attending Alcoholics Anonymous meetings (Not the usual penalty, but some judges can impose this)
• Perform in public service announcements (for free, yet. What actor wants to work for free?)
• $1,300 in fines (plus $1800 court costs)The going rate in California — not jacked up because he’s rich)
• Three years of “supervised probation”

Legal experts called the resolution fairly routine for a first-time DUI case in California that caused no injuries according the LA Times.

Compare that with a first-time DUI/OWI under current Wisconsin law

• First offenders are still handled in traffic court with the jaywalkers and the speeders. Wisconsin is still the only state that fails to treat drunken driving as a misdemeanor crime from the start. (All Business, Green Bay Press-Gazette (Wisconsin) Tuesday, September 1 2009
• First offense OWI / DUI with a BAC of .08 or more, but less than .10, there is no surcharge or other additional fees. (Mr. Gibson was reported to have a BAC of .11)
• Over .10 is subject to a fine of $150 to $300, plus an OWI surcharge of $355, and license revocation from 6 to 9 months.
• But wait! If you really want to keep driving, no problems, Mate: On a first OWI / DUI offense, a person is immediately eligible to apply for an occupational license. There is no waiting period. Just go down to the DMV and fill out a form.

In fact, smoke a little weed, pop some brewskis and crash a bus full of disabled people on Thanksgiving. Don’t even show up in court. No one will bother to arrest you.

Am I being overly critical? From the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel, Regional News section:

Van driver fails to show up for sentencing
By Tom Kertscher of the Journal Sentinel

Aug. 28, 2009 | A man due to be sentenced for driving under the influence and crashing a van that carried disabled adults failed to appear in Milwaukee County Circuit Court on Thursday.

A warrant was issued for Paul G. Porter’s arrest, but it was stayed until next Wednesday, essentially giving the 34-year-old West Bend man a second chance to show up.

Porter pleaded guilty last month to causing injury while operating with a prohibited alcohol concentration, a misdemeanor. He had been drinking beer and smoking marijuana while transporting group home residents on Thanksgiving Day.

Porter’s blood-alcohol level of 0.24 was three times the level of 0.08 considered evidence of intoxication, according to Brown Deer police. The adults had been visiting their families on Thanksgiving Day. Porter picked them up and was returning them to their group home in Brown Deer. Mount Castle Corp., a Milwaukee company that runs residential facilities, said it fired Porter after the accident.

Police weren’t called until more than 90 minutes later, after two of the passengers walked a mile and a half to their group home. Mr. Porter had a full can of beer in his pocket before he was taken into custody.

See, it doesn’t pay to keep giving second chances. It sets a bad precedent–and it makes people like me think (just for a moment), “Well, if he can get away with it, why can’t I?”